Still going.....

Another week has gone by....

We found out we will not be going back to the show for the results now until September. This is good it gives us all more time to work on getting a little further in our journey. Mona and I are working together to push each other. Cathea well Cathea is just on her own journey. To each his/her own I suppose. I had to send out an email between all of us and state what a shame that we can't all work together. It doesn't seem that everyone has grown out of the beauty queen stage.

I first need to set the record straight because so many people have sent email about Shawn and I breaking up. Yes we are no longer engaged and we are both taking a break. My comment was a bit strong about him being a mouse in a corner. Remember I am hurt from losing a partner that I felt was going to be on a journey with me for the rest of my life. It wasn't a comment to be hurtful but tact has never been one of my strongest points. We have decided through this journey we both have items to work on. One is living in different states. That is a huge factor. Plus I have to give Shawn props for coming forward before the marriage and telling me he has commitment issues. Most men would cheat on you and then tell you that, so I thank him for that and not hurting me in that way and being man enough to come forward with that first and foremost. I have loved him since the fourth grade, I just do not think that we are in the same place right now in our lives and it was better to find that out now then after the vows were exchanged. I won't lie that this wasn't the plan but nothing in life is more constant then change!

I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which makes it much easier for me to understand WHY I cannot last for more then 20 minutes at the gym without busting out into tears and running out of there. So Jill is helping find a trainer that would like to work with me ONE on ONE at a single gym not at large gym or Y. I cannot seem to stop the panic attacks even with drugs, which only seem to make me tired. Something will work out, I will just keep getting my steps in.

I don't seem to be eating enough calories so I am back to not losing so Jill is attempting to help me make food list. But I am afraid to eat that I eating to much and then I panic I won't eat the right things. It is an endless battle. But like everyone knows the weight battle is an endless battle everyday with ourselves. EVERY DAY is an endless struggle of just getting up and out of bed it just seems that every place I turn there is a door slammed in my face. Maybe it is work, maybe it is money, maybe it is relationship, maybe it is just a child you are just trying to help but lately it just doesn't seem to work out. I need to search for something that is positive I just have NOT found it yet. I would love to do work around this crazy house but EVERYTHING take MONEY! They say money makes the world go round! They certainly were not kidding!!

Someday I just hope my life gets back to semi normal. Is there such a thing?

See u next time.....